Emotional & Sexual Affairs
What would cause a husband or wife to go outside of their marriage to fill their needs? For most partners it is simply that some of their fundamental emotional and/or physical needs are not being met sufficiently in their relationship..
That can result from unresolved tensions that have created some emotional and physical distance. Or typically that their lovemaking has not been fulfilling enough.
After all, if both partners are naturally nourished in regular lovemaking and they feel safe to work through and resolve their differences, why would they be available for an affair?
Of course, there is a smaller minority who pathologically seek sexual or emotional relationships outside of the marriage without a conscience. They are up against inner pressures that can require professional help.
But for those couples seeking a monogamous conscious relationship together, the question must be asked, what has been missing in the relationship?
Are there tensions or dissatisfaction that have created an emptiness inside that makes one susceptible to an emotional or sexual affair? Or does the couple lack fulfilling experiences of feeling intimately connected together in regular lovemaking?
The breeding ground for affairs are for partners whose fundamental needs are not being met. And what perpetuates it is when they are unable to open up and share together about what is going on inside and effectively resolve those within themselves and within the relationship.
This typically is the basis for looking outside of the marriage, Or finding themselves responsive to another’s warmth or sexual invitation.
So for most affairs, it is more a reflection of unmet needs. And as such, those trysts most always are just make-believe intimacy – there typically is not any real intimacy going on. It is simply a substitute for the real thing that they are missing at home.
It may emotionally feel good, but it is really just a fantasy. For they do not really know each other. When people do not live together day in and day out, they will present their “best” side. So the fantasy can continue.
And for many men, there is not even any focus on “intimacy.” It is simply a “hot” sexual release from carrying too much inner build-up of testosterone driven sexual pressure.
So in most situations, the other person is not usually the real threat. The lack of intimacy and openness together in your committed relationship is!
What a conundrum. Couples can find that they lack the self-awareness and skills that enable them over time to stay open up together and feel connected. Nor be able to safely talk about, explore, and resolve differences and sensitive issues together. So then those unresolved needs go underground.
Having this collection of awarenesses and skills enable partners to be able stay conscious and transparent in the relationship. So the fundamental trust that is necessary for each to keep their hearts completely open is always maintained.
And having fulfilling lovemaking (as opposed to just “sex”) nourishes each other and their relationship.
It is important to recognize that couples who know how to regularly have fulfilling lovemaking together, they are not usually vulnerable to affairs. Why would they? They find themselves nourished emotionally and sexually together. Couples who have learned ‘The LoveMaking Process’ find this to be their experience.
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